her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
