Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
