i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
