hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
stop calling my apartment porn island.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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