I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
