I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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