I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
