really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
