he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
