11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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