after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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