I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
