Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
