woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
