no, he came in my armpit
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
