weddingsv make me drug and hornr
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
