i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
