I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
