im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
ttyl tear gas
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
