1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
