D3 body, D1 cock
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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