and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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