Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
COCAINE IS GR8
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
