last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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