I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
