Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize