i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Sober January is a disaster.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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