I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize