Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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