Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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