saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
