Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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