im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
