i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
