Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
