dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
