you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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