i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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