We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
