so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
