Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
