Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
