i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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