so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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