she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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