we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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