I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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