You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
