How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
