Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
