My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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