hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
