that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
