if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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