Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
