I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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