she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
