I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
