dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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