I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize