STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
