He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
