Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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