You really coming over, don't trick.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
