Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
