Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
