im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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