Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
