that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
