I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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