Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
