Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
