My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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