sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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