every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
