it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
