should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
