does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
