Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
