Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize