4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
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