Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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