i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
