I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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