I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
