Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
