I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
