I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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