just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
