is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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