wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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