come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
