oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
